Obedience Training

So here we are on the Eve of St. Patricks Day, I took a run for about 30 minutes around the block as many times as I could without my lungs bursting, crying a bit as I went because as some of you know.. I'm a lot more emotional than I used to be and because vunerability is not yet my strong suit there's a lot of pent up emotions from 30 years of trauma. Never-the-less, I ran until I didn't quite feel sad anymore. After my run I decided to take each of my cousin's dogs for a walk around the park. I took each dog one at a time, starting with the biggest pup and working my way down. The first dog was stubbon, used to bullying his way around with the leash, tugging and pulling to where he wanted to go, digging his heels in, and holding his ground when he didn't want to move. This dog I had to work with in pieces, stopping often when he wanted to tug me to a specific spot-- no you don't need to go to the trash can, no we are not going THAT way, follow me and stay right by my side. This dog took about 30 minutes to take to the park and back because he was very stubborn and I was not going to struggle back and forth with him. In the end we finished our walk and he recieved lots of love and praise when we got back. The second dog was much more easy going, just happy to be outside and going somewhere other than the backyard today. There are plenty of sights and smells at the park, so this walk was relatively slow and easy until there was another dog around: at this point I had to hold him still to show him the proper way to behave around other animals. In the end this one only took 15-20 minutes outside.

The third dog was the cutest and smallest, but also the most wiley-- which reminded me a lot of how I was in my twenties. Every step I took forward she tried to run, tugging in all directions, too over stimulated by the simplest sound -- like the passing of a car. The trouble with her started quickly and not even 1/4 of the way on our journey she absolutely lost her sh*t at the sight of another dog simply crossing the street. Honestly, she only lasted 5 minutes outside because I refuse to reward bad behaviour--- aaaand I just caught her humping the other dog which still.. reminds me of the younger me (taking multiple lovers as a conquest). Time for the cage.

I say all this to show a real life example of the way God attempts to train us into obedience once we make the decision to become a servant of the Lord. Some people are lucky, they are brought into Christianity early, baptised right away, and follow the path of the light from a very early age. I was not one of those people. I was not baptised and I left the church at 13 because the politics that were being preached did not line up with the way I saw God; there are a lot of cases where the word is not being taught, but personal belief's and opinions. That's simply not fair to the young and impressionable minds growing up in the church who are trusting the leadership to lead them on the proper path.

I decided at age 27 to begin serving the Lord and not my own selfish pursuits (for there were many). This journey was only the first step in I dont even know how many steps God has planned for me.. honestly I still dont know, I'm still on step ?? with ???? steps to go. Now I'm 30 years old and I am in a period of Obedience Training with God; now I am learning how to follow the voice of God instead of my own inner psychopath. I've been stuck in a stage where I don't believe I should be at... but then I realized that my eye is still on some of the shinier apples that used to tempt me. These days I mainly still struggle every day not to go back to the strip club -- it's very good money and it's quick, but the strip club is what lead me into alchoholism, drugs, improper financial managment in my last years, and prideful thinking. Learning how to Obey the voice of God is not easy when you're used to doing everything your own way, but I know that the persistence will pay off eventually; once I learn to listen every step of the way. I'm not perfect -- these realizations literally hit me like a freight truck this afternoon. I'm still on this journey, and even though I'm not where I want to be I refuse to give up. I trust in the promise God has made for me, and I know he will keep it. He's made a promise to you too so if you struggle to follow the voice like I do just remember the light at the end of the tunnel. All praise be to God. Love, Brooklynn V